White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
