4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
