If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
