oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
