i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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