I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize