I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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