I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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