dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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