I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
