She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
