We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
