i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
