I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
