Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
