Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
