im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
