when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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