please come you make the beer taste better
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
