the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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