I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
COCAINE IS GR8
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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