I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
