my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
