i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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