Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize