there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
