seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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