Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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