I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
