you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
