Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
