my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
