woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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