Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't make out with my wife yet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
