We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Randomize
