Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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