he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
