Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
is it fun? or sober?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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