new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
