tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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