Already got asked if we're dating
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I pour the whiskey from now on
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
