Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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