Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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