Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
they need to just BURY HIM!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
