god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
