Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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