Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
birth control should be required to get into college
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
