you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
