If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
