omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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