so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
