ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
