Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
