Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
