I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
