just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
