we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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