Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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