So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
whose parrot is this?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
