Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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