I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When are your genitals available?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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