what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
