a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
