there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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