Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Farmville is her only friend.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just high enough for therapy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize